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How Can We Cope with Delayed Grief?
Sharing this poem makes me shed a few tears. So much has changed since I wrote this poem, yet almost nothing.
I wrote several poems in UNGODLY about this boy, let's call him James. I met James in high school and wrote poems about forbidden love, a secret love. The thing is, virtually no one knew we were together, much less that we had been on and off for years. I kept in touch with him in college, but once I met my (amazing) current partner, I stopped responding to James’ texts.
James died in April of 2020.
The grief rocked me. I hadn’t felt grief that strong in years.
The thing is, despite our years-long affair, we never mentioned the word love. I always thought it was casual, but I was more honest with him in those years than anyone else. I thought I loved other people that I had “real” relationships with, and that he was an on-again-off-again fling.
I had already begun dating my partner, Grant, and had been updating my understanding of love when James passed. I had already realized that my previous relationships didn't hold love for so many reasons. Some of the reasons include me holding so much of myself back, my self-destructive tendencies, abuse, and love cannot coexist, and above all, we lacked honesty. My inability to lie to Grant was what taught me the most about love. I…
